transcript from review- Fa 2000 (? 2001? I can't remember)

Clever me I explain how it all works. Please enjoy the following transcript......

















Photography Review


At the end of each semester, every student must face a review board, showing selected works from that semester. My review consisted of four people, Andrea Hoelscher, Nick Nixon, Abe Morel, and a visiting artist Catherine (I unfortunately did not get her last name). Andrea was my professor this semester; Nick was my teacher last semester. Abe is another professor in my department, and Catherine is a professor at the museum school. The way the review works is that the reviewers split up into two groups and then they go around reviewing everyone’s work. Ultimately, you get reviewed twice, once by each group. The following is most of my second review. Kevin is a student rom my class.






Nick: So this was a collaborative project- is this work titled?






Heather: Yes, we titled the project ‘Where The Night Takes Us, A Collaborative by Patrick Gately and Heather Park’. And I had a personal, uh, we each did our own section of it. And, um, his was titled ‘Fiercest Calm’ and, uh, mine was titled ‘I Wonder Who’, because I did it on portraiture.






Nick: So, were you interested in the digital part?






Heather: Uh, yeah. I liked it. Yeah.






Nick: When you did do that that, did you get a choice to do that in digital…






Heather: Well, we did a digital final project and a photo final project.






Nick: Oh.






Heather: And those three are from my digital final project; and those others are also digital. The, the photo project was six weeks of work though; it wasn’t a small thing.






Nick: When you look at the wall, it’s like that’s what you’re interested in. The way you’ve set it up it looks like this is warming up to what you’re showing us here. I mean this is matted, these are printed bigger…(a long pause) So are there no women here on purpose?






Heather: Um, not really. Umm, They are mostly gay clubs though, and it was predominately male, so I didn’t really encounter very many women.






Nick: So you chose gay clubs to go to, why is that? Did you just want to go to gay clubs?






Heather: Part of that was, um, we wanted to go somewhere where we felt we’d be comfortable and welcome with cameras. Uh, not to put on a generalization or stereotype, but at these certain places we knew would be more welcoming to this drama going on- so I think that was why.






Catherine: How did you decide what color to make them?






Heather: I’m sorry?






Catherine: How did you decide what color to make them?






Heather: These are straight up exposures. They are mostly printed at 45/45, which is the neutral starting point for the paper that I used. So these are almost all just straight exposures. A few have been tweaked a little but they are not very far from the way they were exposed. So I didn’t decide unless I was making that decision it was at the exposure time.






Catherine: Oh- I see. (Pause) I find such a variety in the colors I see and maybe I wish that they could be all sort of the same colors. All of these could be considered one feeling or one type where as this one (laughs) it’s like the hard light of day or something compared to the rest.






Nick: Did sex happen in these clubs?






Heather: I’m sure.






Nick: Was that a part of these?






Heather: Listen, these clubs that we were going to weren’t that- outlandish. They were just generic dance clubs really, catering to a gay clientele. I think these are more about a typical night out than being outrageous or overly sexual.






Nick: I like that you can see that the guy on the left has a hard on.






Heather: Yeah-






Catherine: I was kind of half wondering about the… did you two collaborate on this- how did that work?






Heather: I think it worked out very well.






Catherine: I mean, were you literally looking through the same lenses? I mean, how did you do it? Were you each making images?






Heather: Um, we each had our own cameras- and we have our own eyes, um our own aethestics. We conceived of the project together and we’d go to these places together-






Catherine: Um hmm.






Heather: And um, we would just stand- we would be together in whatever what was going on.. We would have our things going on and we came up with our own each individual bodies of work that were Heather’s and Patrick’s but we did do it together.






Catherine: Um hmm.






Nick: I’ll tell you, I would like to see a wall of Patrick’s and a wall of Heather’s






Catherine: Yeah- I‘d like that too.






Nick: These feel edited, do you know what I mean? It feels like, ‘okay I’m going to pick my favorite ten or twelve throw some mats on them and this is what I’m proud of’.






Heather: We matted the whole project. You know, last week.






Nick: Did you think matting them would make them appear larger?






Heather: No no no, for the final critique. We had- that was part of our thing. It was about the presentation from start to finish, we had the whole thing planned. I didn’t mat them for today- then I would have matted everything.






Nick: That makes sense. Nonetheless- I would rather see them without the mats; and also I am curious about other potential subjects.






Heather: And I did other stuff- there was a lot. I did not think it was necessary to show all of it today.






Nick: I just think that by themselves, they would be better if I could see more of intimacy. It whets my appetites; I want to see what’s not there I mean I understand the structure it’s just that seeing it incomplete leaves it feeling undeveloped.






Catherine: Are these pretty typical of the other works? Are they mainly portraits as opposed to action?






Heather: No- there’s instances where I panned out of a crowd or a few other pieces of still life but what I was interested in learning about this semester was portraiture so that what I chose to show because that what I trying to learn about.






Nick: How many do you have you have that, uh, are as good as the ones you put up here or that are close in portraits?






Heather: Portraits? Um, probably not that many that are as interesting as these. I think these are the best.






Nick: Do you have a favorite?






Heather: I’m torn between… four, well, five of them– well, I don’t have a favorite.






Nick: That’s good, I like to hear that.






Catherine: Well, these feel quite different, quite tentative, um, you clearly came to some- I think you’ve done a really good job with portraits particularly. Um, these, um feel to me like- these just don’t grab me the same way and these are- sort of what you were working on for you initial project. I want to hear what you were doing with these.






Heather: The digital ones?






Catherine: Yeah. Are these your own poems?






Heather: Yeah, these are poems that I wrote – and the background images are taken from this project. So I took this opportunity – I mean I took this a step further by bringing it into my own personal space and that’s what those are. But I have to say; the poetry there- I don’t think it’s tentative at all. I mean if you read what the words say.






Catherine: And, are these, are these projected? How, how are these combined? How did you put these panels together?






Heather: It’s done with photoshop.






Catherine: Yeah, yeah I know- it looks almost like these are projections of these images, rather than the original images.






Heather: I took the background images from my contact sheets and put these images of the magnetic letters into them, combining them with the background image.






Kevin: Um- can I say something?






Nick/ Catherine: Yeah- sure.






Kevin: Um, I’m in their class and I didn’t get to say much, or enough during the final critique. But, uh, one of the things that Patrick and Heather were doing this semester were working with titles and words, and they were sort of… I think they felt very strongly that they were very much in favor in using words where the rest of the class might not have been. And the title for this series, which was where the night takes us, or something to that effect, and I really felt that there was something missing of Heather and Patrick in there. These things are all things that I’ve experienced, we’ve seen and had it- and what I’m seeing here are maybe some missed opportunities. Maybe in the cab ride to the club, or maybe some other times because it was just sort of focused on this club atmosphere which I’m sure you’re familiar with. Um, I just had a feeling that maybe there were some other times, in bathrooms, or someplace, I mean I know that’s stereotypical, but maybe as a woman in an all male club- I know that came up a little bit. I mean, I sort of like this picture- I don’t know what I like about this image- but it sort of brings you back a little bit, like most images are sort of at a distance but I actually like that element where I feel like that was your cigarette. Sitting at the back of the club. But I do remember thinking that- because I know I remember some work you did back at the beginning of the semester and here I feel like there is something you’re not showing, or something that you passed up on because you were so focused on the club interior. Do you know what I mean? That there were a lot of missed opportunities.






Heather: It’s entirely possible- I mean every moment is a missed photo opportunity.






Kevin: Yeah, yeah I know that- and I like it, but I felt like there were better images there.






Heather: Maybe.






Kevin: Some better than you did.






Heather: I mean, I don’t really have an answer for that. Obviously there were a lot of better images than what I had taken.






Kevin: No, that’s not what I meant- maybe I worded it wrong. I was just trying to, you know, some of that feeling of Patrick is gone and I think that’s something that I liked about your previous stuff- and I think it would have given me just a little bit more of the feeling of, just because I’m tying it to how you worded it in you title. And um, this work shows only one place it took you and I’d be curious to know where else you ended up. That’s all I just didn’t get a chance to say that in class. It was just interesting how I took your title and I was interested to see more of that relationship you have with Patrick, and I was expecting to see more of that relationship between the two of you. There are other strong pictures you have in there, I just thought it’s be kind of nice to have more of you and Patrick in there.






Heather: Well, sure yeah. I can see that point.






Catherine: I would just be fascinated to know how people collaborate- it just seems to me that photography is one of those things which are- well, I just can’t imagine working with someone else. I want to find out, how do you decided what images to take, are you using the same camera. How do you make decisions about the kinds of things you photograph? I really do think that picture there of Patrick is a knockout …it feels like when you get really close up, you get a more interesting picture. Umm…






Nick: Patrick’s giving you, or you’re taking something that is real, and I don’t get that feeling from this guy next to him. It feels like you care more about Patrick than this other guy, and there’s something in the collaboration that isn’t shown here. Look at how he is sitting and holding his face- he is very self-conscious and concerned about how he looks. This nuance is wonderful - (Pause) Good Luck.






Heather: Thank You.

Another Elephant

When this blog page first started, it was meant to be a companion to a sketchbook project. However, I did not do the sketchbook project. After all, I am done with education and if I do not feel like doing my homework, I guess there is no one to make me.

In truth though, I do not think it was me being lazy that prevented me from doing a simple project. Instead, I think I could not find my way into the project because it is not a process I am using right now. Currently I use my photography as a sketchbook of sorts. It's been a continuation from a 'project' I laid out over 10 years ago in college to part of how I work.

And that I think is the crux of the 'sketchbook'. It should be a tool, aid, idea generator, a conversation, critique, diary, or whatever else kind of support one can need to make those bigger (metaphorically, not literally) pieces. And should not be limited to conventional pages in a book.

My sketchbook is a photo-archive that contains thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands of images. Most of which are landscape in nature.

Who wants to see that? Maybe someone somewhere, but that's not the point. It's not for anyone to SEE, it's for me to do some molding, plying, learning and maybe a little laughing with just a tinge of self derision for having the sack to make THAT picture yet again and thinking mine might work.

Take that how you will.

So, elephants in the room still inspire me. Better yet, they are kind of my life... all of our lives. And sometimes I enjoy the tension and anxiety, and sometimes I barely register it, and sometimes 'it' (the elephant) follows me around from place to place.

My elephant is my own self-consciousness.... who is yours?

I am NOT ashamed...

... that I am a woman, or an artist, or a wife. I am not ashamed of my looks, my belly, my clothes with paint stains, or the fact that I have been listening to the same music for the last 20 years.

I am disheartened. I am discouraged. And I am not ashamed to say that I do not know it all or have all the right answers all the time.

I am ashamed of you who think that bettering yourself means to put someone beneath you. I am doubly ashamed at the women who do this to other women because they have succumbed to feelings of shame or self-loathing placed upon them by yet another someone. This cycle is what has to end to allow women better positions in this world.

When will women band together honestly and truthfully to HELP each other, instead of intentionally hurting each other?

But to be totally honest, there is one thing I am ashamed about. I do not know how to change these relationships, or the environments that breed such loathsome competition and back-stabbing. Maybe ashamed isn't the right word. I am disappointed in myself for not being able to make the kind of changes that I think would make strides in fixing those issues.

I am disappointed because it sometimes seems as though there is no chance that these attitudes will ever shift. And that is a disheartening prospect.

Enough.

It has been a while since I last made an entry and it's because sometimes I am lazy about logging in and jotting down my thoughts.

But I've been reading my (one of many) cousin's blog and it reminded me of my own space that I had carved out to use as a soap box. This one titled 'but i AM a real women' was originally set up as a place to discuss my role and relationship in/to society as a woman artist and what that means to me. But now I realize that my 'femaleness' extends beyond my artistic practices.

Of course in the great (and mangled here) words of Mierle Ukeles, she says that she is a woman, a wife, a mother and an artist. And due to constraints in time and life, and the demands that every single sector place on her, that she could not maintain her art and career while maintaining her family. So to satisfy her need to create and her duties to her family, she found that she must combine art and family practices so that she might be fulfilled and fulfilling.

Clever girl. Giving her self permission to LIVE. AND to be a real WOMAN all the while. Because real women know that you can only do what you can, and that there should not be shame, guilt, or expectations that lace those decisions with derision from society because we have not done enough. Enough is always enough. Or, what we can each manage individually should be enough for those around us.

And anyone who thinks raising a family does not require the same (if not more) endurance, creativity, patience, and self-love as in making art, well then their opinions are not ones I find worth entertaining.

And as many of the greatest and most successful female (and feminist) artists have been pointing out, especially in recent years- we CAN'T have it all. But we can all have what we need and more. We can all have more than enough.

And that should be enough for the rest of you.

"The New Virginity"

I just watched a 'documentary' on MTV about (and titled) 'The New Virginity" concerning the growing trend towards purity rings and vows of celibacy.

hmmm.....

I think I have to think about it some more, but wanted to record my initial reaction. My generation was the first real venerates of the 'just say no' era. First, we were saying no to drugs, and then we were saying no to sex. And then when all that failed, we were told to use condoms to save our lives. Teen pregnancy was most definitely not cool and AIDS had become a disease that affected more than just the gays. Of course, no one believed they would get AIDS, but who wants herpes?

And of course, we did not necessarily say no to drugs either, but I guess the use of drugs, alcohol and sex were normal (?) as in sometimes, frequently, daily, hourly or not at all.

What?

Of course there must be a delineation between boy sex and girl sex. Boys were allowed, and in many cases encouraged to do it. To swagger about the schools, lying or being honest in exploiting their conquests and forever (or at least until graduation) tainting the image of the girl who did it with them. For the girls, well there were those who did it, and those who did not. AMong the ones who did it, there were the girls who only did it with their boyfriend, and those who would be less discriminating.

I was the girl who only did it with her boyfriend, and never casually. But I had a lot of boyfriends I guess. SO what? That's not the point. The point I am making is that sexually may not have always been treated with respect, we teens may not have always made the best decisions, but we had it, did it, talked about it, cried about it and laughed about it.

I wonder about young women who are currently trying to sort through adolescence. There is so much emphasis on the act of getting married as in the commerce surrounding the wedding day with not nearly enough emphasis on the marriage itself, and an insane trend towards the sexy maternity figure. Clothes and fashion speak to the plump full breasts and covered tummies of mommies to be. Not to mention the myriad of teens girls choosing to have babies at an age when they have never had a job, lived outside their childhood homes and certainly have never taken care of themselves.

I know I am not saying anything that hasn't been said more eloquently elsewhere but I wanted a moment to begin voicing my objections to not only concealing the importance of sexuality, even as teens, but also the lack of responsibility being heralded by these teens who are rushing to meet adult milestones without an iota of knowledge to become self-sufficient.

There is a strange divide among celebrities- 'older' women trying to have babies, and young, practically still teens, getting married.

My biggest criticisms fall to the hypocrisy and manipulative behaviors that show young girls wearing thong and padded bras while wearing their diamond purity rings. "O Daddy, you know I would NEVER do something like that!" And yet STD's are at an all time high, teen pregnancy is the new accessory and kids are getting married at 19 or 20 years old.

I cannot, however, blame these kids. It is the parents and schools that started it.