sketchbook pressure

I have been contemplating 2 aspects of my sketchbook project. 1- what exactly is the elephant and how should I depict it and 2- I have been a little stuck on the idea that this project is for exhibit. I am wrestling with a desire to make images that are precise and complete in their own right, and then feeling disgusted that I should be so caught up in the preciousness of the sketchbook. I must once again reiterate that the sketchbook should be a place of freedom and discovery. There should be no cap or expectation on what will be delivered other than ideas, roughly sketched, until a useful kernel forms.

As for the elephant, I have given him much consideration. I have decided that he is a 'he'. I have also decided that the elephant is not mine, it is usually someone else's. Or else, the elephant is a residual social character who exist strong and heavy, but invisible, as most dividers are. Since I am prone to pointing out many things that turn out better left unsaid, I have decided that my elephant is more of a personal demon. My elephant sits quietly behind me, never saying anything, but always alerting me to his extreme displeasure and un-approving irritation.

Sometimes I make words up. Who cares? Fuck off mr. elephant. Don't bother me tonight and I won't get annoyed by you.

I keep envisioning a line drawn character that is repeated and abundant throughout the pages. Maybe on a string like a little bookmark, and maybe just pasted unceremoniously onto the scene.