This is a response to this article. Go read this article first. It's not great but the writer does a good job of introducing two important topics which I often revisit; online relationships and the personal politics of being a woman.
This idea of 'e-maintaining' (a very clever and concise way of describing this phenom) is completely repugnant to me. Granted I am married, have 2 children and have been with the same guy for 7 years but I have always been on the fringe of the 'e' revolution. I can guarantee you that if I were single today I would not be engaging in text relationships or otherwise simulated relations outside of a racy text or a 'here's a link to...' email.
I remember a time when using the phone for important life decisions was considered cowardly and impersonal. Now, according to this article, the phone is a much more personal means of communicating and bonding in relationships. Fair enough, compared to alternative cyber communication, I will take the phone anytime.
And don't get me wrong. On more than one occasion I have gladly taken advantage of 'easier,' non-confrontational email to address difficult personal and professional situations as opposed to face time or over the phone. By taking the 'easy' way out, I neither resolved the situations or grew personally. There is always an element of detachment or lack of personal responsibility (vulnerability?) that accompanies any online interaction but I did it anyway because sometimes I am a pansy and I hate frontal conflict.
Unlike the author I do believe e-communication has it's usefulness but never when it comes to establishing romantic intimacy. I love the convenience and ease of having quick check-ins with my husband, best friend, acquaintances and old friends. I am now more inclined to tell someone how much I value their presence in my life and that I am thinking of them by feeling less vulnerable, but no less sincere. This convenience does not demean or decrease my intentions and in fact offers me a safer avenue to express my warm fuzzies.
Unlike the author I do believe e-communication has it's usefulness but never when it comes to establishing romantic intimacy. I love the convenience and ease of having quick check-ins with my husband, best friend, acquaintances and old friends. I am now more inclined to tell someone how much I value their presence in my life and that I am thinking of them by feeling less vulnerable, but no less sincere. This convenience does not demean or decrease my intentions and in fact offers me a safer avenue to express my warm fuzzies.
The meat of this article really concerns the 'e' maintenance of romantic relationship. The real issues exposed are the malfunctioning dynamics of male/female relationships and the sorry state of mediated intimacy abundant in America's excessive personality and addiction to the 'spectacle.'*
What I am trying to say is that Americans are impatient. They have a short attention span. They often consume too much and give back very little. Of course not every single American is shallow and restless; I realize I am making grand generalizations.
Love on first sight, rapid weight loss, hundreds of cable channels, tvs in every room of the house, quick fix, quick money, quick to move on when a situation becomes frustrating...
If I am going to be honest, my criticism is directed to the women who allow these men to placate them with such pitiful offerings and to the men who think this is the best women deserve. Some will argue that it's a symptom of the patriarchal matrix at work keeping woman down and preventing her from being empowered and being in control of her own life.
I don't buy into that ideology. I go into my thoughts on current feminist discourse here. Let's just say that I don't believe that men are the only culprits in stalling women's liberation. What disgusts me is this 'consumer society' around dating and life partnering.
The women are to blame as much as these men and I have to think that they want it this way for some obscure reason. Look at the trend of movies right now just to name a few:
He's not that into you
Something Borrowed
What's your number?
There's a trend that is reaching feverish heights- finding true love amidst a sea of disfunction and casual sex masking as 'dating.' Harsh I know, and I really don't mean it to sound so catty. My point is simply this- if women did not accept this behavior in men, then men would have ot find a different way to behave.
What I am trying to say is that Americans are impatient. They have a short attention span. They often consume too much and give back very little. Of course not every single American is shallow and restless; I realize I am making grand generalizations.
Love on first sight, rapid weight loss, hundreds of cable channels, tvs in every room of the house, quick fix, quick money, quick to move on when a situation becomes frustrating...
If I am going to be honest, my criticism is directed to the women who allow these men to placate them with such pitiful offerings and to the men who think this is the best women deserve. Some will argue that it's a symptom of the patriarchal matrix at work keeping woman down and preventing her from being empowered and being in control of her own life.
I don't buy into that ideology. I go into my thoughts on current feminist discourse here. Let's just say that I don't believe that men are the only culprits in stalling women's liberation. What disgusts me is this 'consumer society' around dating and life partnering.
The women are to blame as much as these men and I have to think that they want it this way for some obscure reason. Look at the trend of movies right now just to name a few:
He's not that into you
Something Borrowed
What's your number?
There's a trend that is reaching feverish heights- finding true love amidst a sea of disfunction and casual sex masking as 'dating.' Harsh I know, and I really don't mean it to sound so catty. My point is simply this- if women did not accept this behavior in men, then men would have ot find a different way to behave.
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